Friday, January 31, 2014

Let's talk about talking...or not talking

I have no idea what to write tonight.  I want to write - I drank a glass (half a glass?) of wine, and am feeling chatty.  That being said, I'm not sure this is going to make for a good blog post.  I suppose, if it turns out really awful, I can just delete it, or leave it as a draft until I come back and laugh at how horrible it is, and THEN delete it.

Anyway, let's start with my little one - Jules.  He's eight months and has big cheeks.  He has also recently started using baby sign language.  We didn't try to do sign language with Gabe when he was a baby...I'm not sure if it wasn't as popular back then, or if we just didn't know anything about it.  We did end up teaching him some signs a little before he was 2 years old, because he wasn't talking at that point.  In fact, Gabe was actually in Early Intervention Services for about four months getting speech therapy, because he didn't talk.  We suspected he was just a late talker, and we knew his receptive language was WAY higher than the expressive, but EIS was free, the pediatrician suggested it, and so, we did it.  The sign language was HUGELY helpful.  Gabe was clearly excited to be able to communicate what he wanted in a way other than pointing and grunting/screaming/crying.  And let me tell you, so were we.  Nothing is more frustrating than not being able to communicate effectively with your child.  Anyway, he signed for a little while, and then, right around his 2nd birthday, started saying words.  Then a lot of words.  Then sentences.  Then many sentences.  (This all happened within the span of days/weeks.)  It was bizarre.  He literally went from not talking at all to full sentences, pretty much.  (note: his therapist was very surprised by all this, apparently this is not super common, at least among kids in EIS.)  Come to find out, people in the gifted world would call this "Einstein Syndrome" (for more about this phenomenon, go here).  

Anyway, Jules.  Since we already knew a bunch of signs from Gabe's little foray into the land of hand talking, we thought, "hey why not teach him some?"  So, since he was pretty young, 4 months maybe? we have been doing some signs with him.  Just the basics: milk, mama, dada, more, all done, I love you...maybe a few others sprinkled in here and there.  'Milk' was the first one he picked up, and has been doing it for a while - though I'm pretty sure that in addition to using it for its intended purpose, he also uses the 'milk' sign when he wants mama.  (Side effect of breastfeeding?  Maybe.  Perhaps he is just extrapolating 'milk factory' from 'milk' in general.  Sigh.)  Recently though, he started doing a few more - 'all done; and "more"...and also "itsy bitsy".  Yes, I know that's not really a sign, but the Itsy Bitsy Spider is his favorite song, and we always do the little hand motions when we sing to him - so lately he has been asking for the song by putting his fingers together in an 'itsy bitsy' sort of way, and then tries to do the motions along with us, to some extent.  It's pretty freakin' adorable.  (As is his clapping.  And his face.)  

I think the signs were a great thing to teach him - the idea that babies so young can visibly communicate a specific want/need is just mind-blowing, really.  Now it's not always easy to tell what sign he is trying to do..for example, I'm pretty sure Jules has been attempting 'all done' for a while, but I just didn't realize because, well...to be honest, he mostly just flails his arms up in the air.  I mean, when I figured it out, it was pretty obvious, and I totally get that the actual hand motion for 'all done' is tough for a baby...but babies flail around kind of as a rule, you know?  So it required a little more discernment on my part, that's all.

...What the hell is this post about?  Baby sign language, clearly.  But why?  Well, I think it's a good idea, though by all means not necessary.  That is, unless you have an almost 2 year old who isn't talking and is really pissed off about it.  Then it's pretty necessary.  

Ah, an angle.  I think I've found one.  It's probably obtuse (don't judge me, it's past midnight).

Gifted kids and talking - early vs. late vs. normal.

From everything I have read, gifted kids talk early.  Really early.  They start talking at 6 months, 7 months, 5 weeks...and develop large, precocious vocabularies.  This is, in fact, one of the easiest ways to spot a gifted infant/toddler, so they say.  But then, there are kids like Gabe.  Kids who were like, "Talk?  Yeah...I'm not going to do that until I can do it right."  Or maybe "I don't feel like it right now.  Or now.  Or now.  Okay fine, I'll talk.  Jerks."  (Probably the latter.  Because little kids are goobers.)  This is apparently also common among gifted kids.  But my thought is, what about the kids that talk at a normal time, i.e., twelve months?  I'm sure there have got to be SOME gifted kids who talked around then, right?  Statistics alone have to back that one up.  But how often does it actually happen?  Do we even know?  


* * *
If you have a gifted child who talked at a normal time, I would love to hear about it in the comments.  I would love to hear about late and early talkers too.  Honestly, if your child has ever uttered any word, any word at all, then I'd love to hear about it. 


Anyway, with all this talk about early vs. late vs. normal talking...I have found myself on rare occasions thinking about this very thing with respect to Jules, in relation to Gabe's giftedness: if Jules talks at a normal time, would I be upset in any way?  Would I rather him talk late?  He babbles a lot, but no words yet, so he's clearly not an early talker.  Would I start to think, "Oh clearly that means he's not gifted"?  (Crazy thoughts, I know.  Actually, I should probably note that this line of thinking is more of a philosophical musing than an actual concern.  I do that a lot.  I'm a muser.  Also a worrier.  You'll figure that out soon enough, I'm sure.)  

This leads us to the immensely important topic: "How not to compare your children."  I'll give you a quick heads up -- I don't really know the answer, but I do know this: it's not good to compare your kids.  I dealt with a hefty dose of comparisonism as a child, and I've got to tell you...it kind of sucks, and I'm sure anyone who has been in that situation would agree.  We should love and celebrate each child's unique qualities, don't you think?  The problem (for us anyway), is that when your first kid is like Gabe, your whole perception of what is normal is totally, utterly skewed.  I have no real conception of normal milestones, because Gabe never did things at a normal time.  So with Jules, we just keep telling ourselves that he will do things at his own pace...he's not Gabe, he will be wonderful and special in his own way.  The interesting thing is, if I had a choice, I'm not sure whether I would choose for him to be so advanced, or not...for that matter, I don't know if I would have chosen it for Gabe either.  I don't really want to think about it, truth be told.  Bottom line is, they are who they are, and we will love them no matter what.  Kind of a lame answer, but 100% from the heart.  Just like all the oxygenated blood and stuff.


Until next time,

Marn


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