My Child is in a Testing Phase

...Bring on the booze.  Okay, not really.  But really.

I meant to write earlier than this, but it has been a rough couple of weeks, and blogging got left a bit by the wayside.  Apologies.

I actually have a couple posts in mind to write, but at this exact moment, my brain is on fuzzed-out mode, and needs to kind of rant.  Double apologies.

So, as you can tell, things have been pretty stressful - life is pretty busy right now, which always adds to the stress, but the main reason for the crazy is that we are in full-blown testing phase purgatory right now.  Gabe, like all little kids, goes through definitive periods of time which we like to call 'testing phases', which basically means that he pushes and pushes and argues and does things he knows he isn't supposed to and drives us bananas for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.  AKA acts like a huge butt.  (That's the technical definition).  It's is super frustrating because I know how he is capable of acting, and I also know that this is totally normal, kids toeing the line, feeling out boundaries, discovering a sense of self, that his opinions are his own ...but it essentially boils down to 'he wants what he wants right now and nothing will deter him'.  We used to be able to offer choices...if he wanted to do something he wasn't allowed to do, we would offer a few other choices and he would pick one.  Now it's nothing but "NO, I don't want any of those!" and whining and crying and yelling...super fun times for all.  He also tries to find loopholes, or manipulate his way out of things, which, while clever and impressive, is hugely annoying when you are, for example, trying to punish him.  Sigh.

One of the upshots of this is a stubborn refusal to cooperate with most things.  Including answering questions.  Now granted, Gabe has never been the best question answerer...he refuses to 'perform' on cue...which is fine, who likes to play monkey, really?  But when it's things like "Hey Gabe, what did you do at school day?" and it's like pulling teeth to get even one or two things that he did, because he 'just doesn't want to tell you that'...it can get pretty damn frustrating.  Clearly, this only gets worse during testing phases.  But now we are reconsidering the IQ test at this point...I know that having a professional asking the questions, and someone he doesn't know already might make a difference, but I can totally see him just being like 'I just don't want to answer that' to the psychologist...and that would be bad. But we are just riding it out to see how things go...we have another month before we have to make any decisions.  It's just...draining, you know?  But it never hurts to take a step back.

If anyone has any advice for how to deal with super smart, manipulative, whiny almost-4 year olds...leave a comment.  We can use all the help we can get!

I feel like I need to say that while the testing phase really sucks, it is by no means all the time, every day. Gabe is still his sweet, kind, curious self a lot of the time...it's just when he's NOT, that it's like,  "woah there, kid, chill yourself."

Tangent Alert!!  Gabe's mental math calculations are just getting so crazy good.  Like, he will often arrive at an answer faster than I do.  (Granted, I am not the best mental calculator, but still...)  And he plays with big numbers, adding two sets of 3 digit numbers, with regrouping (ie. 485 +856 or whatever).  He has also been big into squares, cubes and the like.  Oh and reducing fractions.  It's pretty magnificent, especially when you know that he isn't drilling any of this, it's just...there.  In his head.  I don't know how he holds that kind of information, especially for the calculation stuff...he must be so visual to be able to manipulate the numbers mentally like that.  And he definitely tried to eat my nose the other day, so there's that.

Since this post was a bit ranty, I'll end with some good news.  Jules just turned 9 months, and is right on the verge of walking.  He can stand up on his own, and take a step or two before falling on his butt.  It's pretty adorable.  Also, he has discovered 'people food' and has since become a bottomless pit for things like toast, fruit and pancakes ;).

So yeah, totally the most cohesive post ever.  Not impressive.  I promise I will do my best to be less divergent in the future. 

Until next time,

Marnie

To IQ or not to IQ?

For the parent of a potentially gifted kid, that is the question (at least, one of the more common questions).  But what's the right answer?  Honestly, it beats the heck out of me.  But let's explore this for a bit.

*random interjection:  I had caffeine this morning, so I apologize in advance if this gets a little kooky-crazy.  For a more interactive experience, you should probably imagine me frenetically pacing around the room, speed-talking and gesticulating wildly.  (Or you know, typing.  Whatever.)

Right off the bat, I think that there is probably not one right answer, but several pretty good answers - and all of them depend on the child.  I don't think you can have a stock response.  I mean, what would it be?

"Child A is good at XYZ so he should get IQ tested?"  
"Child B is X many years ahead of his peers, so she should get tested?"  
"Child C is happy, yet potentially working below his capabilities...he should get tested?" "Child D is very smart, but only 3 (or 4 or 5) - she should get tested?"

As you can see, it gets thornier and thornier.  But I think the most important thing to keep in mind, when trying to decide whether or not to get your kid tested, is that your kid is the same kid before and after an IQ test.  The number doesn't change anything.  (It also doesn't always accurately depict what's going on.  But more on that later.  Maybe.)  

I think as parents, we need to understand our motivation behind getting our child tested.  Why are you doing it?  What are you looking for?  Some reasons are good reasons and others...well, let's just say they are a little bit...suspect.  I think we all know about parents that use their kids as fodder for their own self-aggrandizement - it's not pretty.  And a lot of the time, I think the kid ends up resenting their role in the whole thing.  This is not motivation to get a kid tested - if you do it because you want to brag, or so you can feel proud that you housed such a super-smart baby in your uterus that you must put their oh so impressive intelligence quotient in a frame above the mantel, well...don't.  Just don't.  

But there are a lot of good reasons to test - the big one (for us anyway) being advocacy.  Advocating for your child is a bitch (pardon my french).  It's an endless struggle getting the right services/placement for your child - and while I'm not sure that having a piece of paper blatantly showing a school administrator that your kid needs more than they are getting in school will be the golden ticket to perfectly individualized and appropriate instruction...it definitely can't hurt, and should probably help a good deal.

Another good reason is to really find out what's going on - what are your child's strengths/weaknesses?  Are there learning disabilities masked by their giftedness?  (This applies the other way around, too).  How best can we serve the educational needs of this particular gifted child?  Where are they emotionally/socially?  (Now, a lot of these things, you can get just by knowing your child - but sometimes, it's good to hear this stuff from a professional.  You know, someone telling you you aren't totally crazy.  That would be nice.)

Anyway, this post is a bit rambling, but the end result is, do what you feel is right for you and your kid.  Keep in mind that in some late elementary grade (3rd-ish?), schools will usually pay to test your kid if it looks like he needs it.  This won't apply to homeschoolers, and this won't help your 4 year old if you are trying to figure out whether to go into K early, or skip it altogether and move right into 1st.  So there is no cookie cutter formula.  Parenting doesn't have a lot of those.  Sucks, really.  

Oh also, insurance generally won't cover testing (unless it is under the auspices of 'delays'... 'autism/adhd screening',  and the like.)  And it's not cheap.  We're talking hundreds of dollars.  So that's a factor too.  For us, that's really not a feasible option - poor PhD candidate hubby and part-time researcher mommy don't make for wildly expansive incomes.  BUT being creative and resourceful helps.  We are currently in the process of trying to get Gabe into a study that performs IQ tests on 4 and 5 year olds for free, as part of ADHD research.  If that works out, it will be super because 1. free! and 2.  we are contributing to scientific research, which is totally bonus and gratifying.  (P.S.  there are no drugs or invasive actions involved in this study, so don't go thinking crazy thoughts, people.)  The one possible disadvantage to this is that I'm not convinced that these psychologists are familiar with gifted kids, as a rule (something that would be really helpful in this case), and so I am hoping that there won't be a problem with ceilings or that sort of thing.  Shrug - we shall see.

We want to get Gabe tested to figure out the K/1st, should we accelerate or not, and to help us advocate for appropriate placement stuff. Our current school district seems...moderately willing to work with us IF Gabe is advanced as we say he is.  (cough cough, see my first post.)  But really, they don't want to see him till 5.  And when you have a 3 year old who would gain nothing from K, and maybe not 1st either RIGHT NOW...you start to wonder what would truly be in his best interest: following protocol, or following your child.  (Stay turned for a later post on our thoughts on whether or not to homeschool.)  Testing also gives us clout for free advocacy services through gifted societies such as Davidson Institute and the National Society for the Gifted and Talented.  

In short, we have this:

and we want that to blossom into this:

by way of this:

  

and this:

and we will do everything we can do avoid this entirely:

Until next time,

Marn