To IQ or not to IQ?

For the parent of a potentially gifted kid, that is the question (at least, one of the more common questions).  But what's the right answer?  Honestly, it beats the heck out of me.  But let's explore this for a bit.

*random interjection:  I had caffeine this morning, so I apologize in advance if this gets a little kooky-crazy.  For a more interactive experience, you should probably imagine me frenetically pacing around the room, speed-talking and gesticulating wildly.  (Or you know, typing.  Whatever.)

Right off the bat, I think that there is probably not one right answer, but several pretty good answers - and all of them depend on the child.  I don't think you can have a stock response.  I mean, what would it be?

"Child A is good at XYZ so he should get IQ tested?"  
"Child B is X many years ahead of his peers, so she should get tested?"  
"Child C is happy, yet potentially working below his capabilities...he should get tested?" "Child D is very smart, but only 3 (or 4 or 5) - she should get tested?"

As you can see, it gets thornier and thornier.  But I think the most important thing to keep in mind, when trying to decide whether or not to get your kid tested, is that your kid is the same kid before and after an IQ test.  The number doesn't change anything.  (It also doesn't always accurately depict what's going on.  But more on that later.  Maybe.)  

I think as parents, we need to understand our motivation behind getting our child tested.  Why are you doing it?  What are you looking for?  Some reasons are good reasons and others...well, let's just say they are a little bit...suspect.  I think we all know about parents that use their kids as fodder for their own self-aggrandizement - it's not pretty.  And a lot of the time, I think the kid ends up resenting their role in the whole thing.  This is not motivation to get a kid tested - if you do it because you want to brag, or so you can feel proud that you housed such a super-smart baby in your uterus that you must put their oh so impressive intelligence quotient in a frame above the mantel, well...don't.  Just don't.  

But there are a lot of good reasons to test - the big one (for us anyway) being advocacy.  Advocating for your child is a bitch (pardon my french).  It's an endless struggle getting the right services/placement for your child - and while I'm not sure that having a piece of paper blatantly showing a school administrator that your kid needs more than they are getting in school will be the golden ticket to perfectly individualized and appropriate instruction...it definitely can't hurt, and should probably help a good deal.

Another good reason is to really find out what's going on - what are your child's strengths/weaknesses?  Are there learning disabilities masked by their giftedness?  (This applies the other way around, too).  How best can we serve the educational needs of this particular gifted child?  Where are they emotionally/socially?  (Now, a lot of these things, you can get just by knowing your child - but sometimes, it's good to hear this stuff from a professional.  You know, someone telling you you aren't totally crazy.  That would be nice.)

Anyway, this post is a bit rambling, but the end result is, do what you feel is right for you and your kid.  Keep in mind that in some late elementary grade (3rd-ish?), schools will usually pay to test your kid if it looks like he needs it.  This won't apply to homeschoolers, and this won't help your 4 year old if you are trying to figure out whether to go into K early, or skip it altogether and move right into 1st.  So there is no cookie cutter formula.  Parenting doesn't have a lot of those.  Sucks, really.  

Oh also, insurance generally won't cover testing (unless it is under the auspices of 'delays'... 'autism/adhd screening',  and the like.)  And it's not cheap.  We're talking hundreds of dollars.  So that's a factor too.  For us, that's really not a feasible option - poor PhD candidate hubby and part-time researcher mommy don't make for wildly expansive incomes.  BUT being creative and resourceful helps.  We are currently in the process of trying to get Gabe into a study that performs IQ tests on 4 and 5 year olds for free, as part of ADHD research.  If that works out, it will be super because 1. free! and 2.  we are contributing to scientific research, which is totally bonus and gratifying.  (P.S.  there are no drugs or invasive actions involved in this study, so don't go thinking crazy thoughts, people.)  The one possible disadvantage to this is that I'm not convinced that these psychologists are familiar with gifted kids, as a rule (something that would be really helpful in this case), and so I am hoping that there won't be a problem with ceilings or that sort of thing.  Shrug - we shall see.

We want to get Gabe tested to figure out the K/1st, should we accelerate or not, and to help us advocate for appropriate placement stuff. Our current school district seems...moderately willing to work with us IF Gabe is advanced as we say he is.  (cough cough, see my first post.)  But really, they don't want to see him till 5.  And when you have a 3 year old who would gain nothing from K, and maybe not 1st either RIGHT NOW...you start to wonder what would truly be in his best interest: following protocol, or following your child.  (Stay turned for a later post on our thoughts on whether or not to homeschool.)  Testing also gives us clout for free advocacy services through gifted societies such as Davidson Institute and the National Society for the Gifted and Talented.  

In short, we have this:

and we want that to blossom into this:

by way of this:

  

and this:

and we will do everything we can do avoid this entirely:

Until next time,

Marn

Gifted Children and "The Reaction"

"You must be drilling him."
"Stop teaching him, let him watch T.V."
"Oh...sure he can do that."
"If he is advanced as you say he is..."
"Oh, there must be something wrong with him."

*

Clearly I'm delusional.  Either that, or a tiger mom/hot-housing drill sergeant.  To my STUBBORN THREE YEAR OLD.  I mean seriously, how does one force a stubborn three year old (any three year old, really) to do anything?

I'm Marnie. This is my story. 

I have two beautiful children, Gabriel (the aforementioned three year old), and Julian, a wiggly eight month old bundle of baby squish.  

I'm just going to put it out there:  Gabe is gifted.  Boom!  No, we have not had him tested yet - so I will amend that and say, we think very strongly that he is gifted.  Let's keep one thing in mind - even as I write this, even though I know in my heart it's true...it feels like I just said a dirty word.  "Gifted".  What does it even mean?  It sounds privileged, it sound arrogant.  I don't mean it in that way at all.  So what do I mean?  Well, in simple terms, he is advanced.  In more specific terms, I mostly mean that my three year old loves math.  LOVES - all capital letters.  He loves math (and numbers in general), the way another 3 year old loves trains.  He wants to "play" with them all the time, draw them, read about that, sleep with them at night, talk about them, find connections to number in almost anything.  He literally builds numbers and equations out of legos.  He draws "number people" playing at the park.  I made him squishy felt numbers for Christmahanukkah.  He plays and sleeps with them.  He does math workbooks.  Anything math, and my kid is in.  It's his passion.  Do we force it on him? Hell no!  But we do indulge his passion in the same way a mother of a train-obsessed kid would.  Instead of buying him train pillows, and lots of train sets, and train books... it's numbers.  If I ask Gabe, "Hey, what do you want to play?  Do you want to color, read a book, play a puzzle or add decimals?"  9 times out of 10 he will say "decimals".  That's my kid.  And who am I to squash that?  He certainly does other things - he loves legos, he loves books (he learned to read at 2, but would much rather be read to),  he colors, he watches T.V., he runs and plays catch and tackles his little brother.  He just so happens to also do 2nd-3rd grade math.  At three years old.  

Now before you start thinking this is going to be a 'brag blog' or that this is a 'brag post', let me clarify something.

Despite what you may think, I do not go out of my way to tell people these things.  I used to - in the way that all parents who are excited about their children's accomplishments do.  Someone would ask what Gabe is up to, or he would have done something that I thought was really awesome, and so I would tell people.  And then...I would get "The Reaction".  

If I may... (indulge the minor repetition)
"You must be drilling him."
"Stop teaching him, let him watch T.V."
"Oh...sure he can do that."
"If he is advanced as you say he is..."
"Oh, there must be something wrong with him."  (I simply love that one.)

"The Reaction" is awful.  It sucks.  It really really does.  I got so angry and indignant and frustrated...especially because if you spend more than 5 minutes with my kid, you will figure it out yourself.  But, just telling people brought all the skeptics out of the woodwork and right to my front door.  So I stopped talking about it.  Even when asked a direct question: "Wow, he's reading already?"  "He wrote that?"  "He can add?"  (and subtract and multiply and divide...)  I use my stock reply:

Yeah, he's just really in "insert appropriate vague reply here".  (He's really into "numbers"/He's really into "words"/He likes to"write stuff, that's kind of his thing.")  This is always followed  but a little shrug and smile.  And not a lick more information.  Because I know you won't believe me anyway.  And I don't want to be pissed off at you today.  So I keep my mouth shut.  (For the most part, anyway.)

I wanted to start this blog to talk about giftedness - it's quirks, it's delights, and it's challenges.  I have done a lot of research on gifted education, and it turns out, I have a lot to say on the matter - school, success, happiness, socialization, loneliness, asynchrony... I wasn't sure where to start, and this seemed as good a place as any.  Any parent of a gifted kid knows what I'm talking about it.  


Thus begins my account of this ongoing wild journey as mother to one of the coolest kid I know.

I shall await the slew of disbelieving comments with a lot of hope and a just dash of snark.

Until next time,

Marn